just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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