I want to make a zoo with you.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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