A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
