I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
