I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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