i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
