Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
