my sisters under your porch take her home
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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