I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
