Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
