god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
