I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
