If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
