its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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