Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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