Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
