mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
tonight lets celebrate not being married
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
