I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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