Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
