This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
