FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
