I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
