Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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