She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
