you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
