Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
