Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
