New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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