FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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