I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize