apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
