My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
