a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
