The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
