me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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