A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
