You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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