its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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