dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
