If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
