I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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