We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
