i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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