xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
