Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
