just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
