I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
