Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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