dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
