why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
