We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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