Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
