i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
