I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
