My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
