Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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