And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
