so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
COCAINE IS GR8
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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