It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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