What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
