Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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