Moan for me like Helen Keller
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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