Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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