Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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