I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
