I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
