Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
