Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
