My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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