i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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