The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
