yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
