Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
