I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
