You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
