when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
