It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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