cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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