I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
